Mama Guilt

      Connor's top 2 teeth are popping through, and he has been pretty happy despite the discomfort. He will wake up and cry for 10 minutes at night, but go right back to sleep, and I'm thankful for that. (But, he started waking up for a bottle once a night again! grr) Today, though, he has just been impossible. Clinging to me.. and I mean that he has literally been crawling up to my leg, pulling up and clinging to me & whining "mom mamama." I feel horrible for him, and I'm not sure how to fix him except to give him orajel and ibuprofen and pray it takes the pain away long enough to give him and me a break. And with that, let's talk about mama guilt. Ohh, I hate mama guilt, and it comes around too often. I was discussing this with a friend, and as ashamed as I was to ask, I asked her if she ever got "mad" at her baby. I feel awful when I get mad at Connor,...like the worst mom, ever. How can I be mad at him?! He has no idea why he hurts, and all he knows how to do is cry and whine "mom mamama." But, if you're a mother, apparently it is normal to get "mad." My friend said.. "yes!! the other day I just told him that I didn't know what to do for him!" I've had to do the whole 'put your baby in their crib for 5 minutes and walk away' number, but it feels worse when I do that for some reason. Isn't it the right thing to do? Put him down and take some deep breaths so that I can be the best mother I possibly can to him without being angry, after all, it isn't his fault!? Yes, it is the right thing to do, and my mother has told me to do this since the beginning, but it still breaks my heart. It feels like I am failing as a mother when I do it. Why why why? It's that mama guilt. The thing that amazes me is, as soon as I take a couple of deep breaths, walk back in Connor's room and calm him down, he still smiles at me and gives me a hug and a kiss. He is okay. He is Okay, and he still loves his mom mamama regardless if I walk away for a few moments. I've learned that mama guilt is going to be a re-occurring, unwelcome visitor, but if I didn't feel guilty, then I wouldn't be doing my job as a mother. I've learned that it is okay to take a few minutes to catch my breath and have a time out.. because when I walk back into my baby boy's room, he is still going to be there, willing to forget the weak moment I had, and love me anyway.