Facing reality..

      It has been 7 weeks since Connor joined this world, and while I posted the birth story and have raved about being a mother, I have failed to express how I felt about his birth. Obviously, I had a C-section, and while I may sound selfish in this post, these are the emotions I had to deal with. I HATED the C-section. It was not what I had "planned," and I was so miserable for weeks afterward. I envisioned a completely different experience. After all, I was there for my best friend's labor and delivery, and while I know she was in a lot of pain, it was so incredible. I wanted that. I wanted the contractions, pain, water breaking, and I wanted to push my baby out the way that God intended. My body failed me, and it failed Connor. I think I finally worked up the nerve to post my true feelings because I have been hearing some horror stories lately, and I realized that Connor is here, he's safe, and I'm safe. However, I am going to admit that I envy women who get to have "normal" vaginal births. I'm finally starting to get over the feelings of failure because when I look at Connor I realize that God answered my prayers and got him here safe. Here is something I found on someone else's site, and I think it sums it up for me:

"It is the only scar whose creation saved two lives instead of one, and they are the physical sign of a mother's willingness to do anything for her children."

I may not have had the perfect labor experience, but I have a perfect bundle of love and life. Maybe I didn't get a "normal" experience, but when do I ever do anything "normal" anyway? I have been formula feeding Connor because of his stomach issues, and he's a happier baby these days. Did I want to do that?... No. But I realize that everything I do is for him and his best interest. Maybe I don't like it, but it's not about me. It's about him.. from birth until forever. So for all you mommies out there, whether you have a C-section or a Vaginal delivery, or you breastfeed or bottle feed, you are still very much a woman. We carried our babies for 9 months (maybe more, maybe less), but we bonded the same and no matter how they come out, the love you feel for your child will be the same. I can't imagine my life without Connor in it. Here's to being a mommy! :)