Scared Pale.

  

   OKay, so I haven't updated my blog in a while, but I've kinda had a lot on my mind. First of all, if you haven't read "Heaven is For Real," and your faith has been shaken and/or you just want an easy, fulfilling read, check it out. It's about a little boy who goes to Heaven and then comes back to tell his family all about it. He's 3. It sounds strange, but it's really amazing. He is full of information from the bible and his family's past that no 3 year old could ever know. I needed to read that book, especially with what I've been going through these past couple of weeks. And I will begin explaining.. But before I do, I don't need any "i told you so's" or "you were an idiot" because I KNOW that NOW. If I could go back in time to myself at 15/16, I would tell myself that I have an amazing husband and adorable, awesome, 7 month old who need me in their life.. and to STOP tanning.

   You couldn't tell me when I was younger how bad the sun/tanning is. I was invincible,duh. I tanned AND I was a lifeguard in the summer, and I didn't wear sunscreen most of the time. Why? Because tan is beautiful, right?! Who wants to be pale?? Well, I'm 23, and I found a mole. An ugly, multi-colored, irregular mole. I wish I knew then what I know now. Pale is gorgeous, and as you get older, the tan you once had leaves you with fear and paranoia. I shrugged it off for a couple of months, and told myself it was nothing. Mainly out of fear, but every time I looked at my baby boy and he smiled, I felt my stomach turn. I promised Connor in the hospital when I almost lost my life then, that I would do everything in my power to always be there for him, so I scheduled an appt. When I got in with the dermatologist, he did not like it, but said he didn't "think" it was anything. I got the phone call today with the results. The nurse asked me if I had a minute, and my stomach jumped into my throat. She told me it was PRE-melanoma, but it wasn't melanoma YET. I didn't give it the chance to become anything because I saw the doctor in time. She told me it was nothing for me to worry about, but I do need to schedule an appoinment with the plastic surgeon to remove more tissue around the area. I will have my surgery most likely in the new year, and while I am really upset that I need surgery, I am SO thankful that God gave me the courage to go to the doctor. Reality is really scary. I have been terrified, but Connor needs his momma, and I want to be here to watch him grow up. All I really want to say is be AWARE. Check your body yourself or go to a dermatologist if you ever tanned or feel uneasy about anything. It can be fixed if you catch it early enough. I am so THANKFUL to God for answering my prayers, and giving me the courage and strength to save my life. For some reason I am at peace because I know in my heart that God had a hand in this diagnosis. He is helping me save my life. Let's just say that I'm scared Pale.